An Uncomfortable Ultimatum

After the trip to Jamaica, Patti and I had become a lot closer. A few days after we returned home, Patti met me one night to let me know that she was no longer emotionally equipped to keep our relationship an open one, and that for her well being, she told me that either I allow her to move in with me at my house and see her exclusively, or she wasn't prepared to keep seeing me at all. I could tell from her tone, that she was very serious. And in all honesty, it made me very uncomfortable. I had a lot of major issues to deal with at that time, and with everything that had been going on with the band, it couldn't have happened at a worse time. Although I felt like I was falling in love with her, I had seen some warning signs of possible problems with Patti's drug use. But even more importantly, I was worried about how Annie might respond if I made the decision to have Patti move in with me. Even though I knew I wasn't in love with Annie, and she had always said she wasn't in love with me, there was no doubt about the fact that we were very close...and she had always known that she could spend time with me when she wanted to. If I agreed to Patti's demand, that would no longer be true. I think in my heart I knew that she wasn't going to like it, but I thought that no matter what...we were, and would remain, really good friends...and if I told her I had fallen in love...I guess I believed she would be happy for me. Today, I know just how naive I was to think that...I wasn't very experienced with serious emotional relationships, or in understanding how women think and react. I had only had a serious relationship with one other woman before that...and it had ended very badly. I knew Annie had done a great deal to help the band, and because she had so much time and energy invested in the group, I thought the business part of our relationship was seperate from the personal relationship we had. That was a very male point of view. I know today...that women have a lot more difficulty seperating aspects of a relationship than men do. I also haven't figured out yet if that is a male flaw, or a female flaw...but I do think that it is a fact...and probably has to do with men being creatures of logic and problem solving, often denying their feelings...while women are much more in tune with their emotions and their feelings, and their feelings often motivate their actions. The bottom line is...I learned that the sexes think differently about the same things. At the time, I also didn't know if I could deal with all the stresses I was feeling...and cope with the added pain I felt I would experience if I was unable to see Patti at all...because I didn't agree to her ultimatum. The whole thing was just too much for me. I wanted Patti to wait for a month...until we had been signed...but Patti felt she had waited too long already...and she wasn't having any of that...and she made it clear that I was going to have to make up my mind.