Another Very Bad Decision

When I look back on the relationship I thought I had with Annie...and how I misjudged it so completely...there is a part of me that says  "What was I thinking?" This ended up being one of the single most destructive choices I made during the band's existence...and in my life. It changed everything. Annie had been a real friend to me, and the band...my most powerful ally in the music business...and a woman I had been involved with for three years...but I was so blinded by infatuation that I couldn't see the disaster that I was inviting by the choice I'd made. It was totally insane, selfish, self-centered and blind of me. Today, with the wisdom of years...and more experience with women and life...and the clarity that comes from hindsight and being clean...I think I must have been crazy. I should have seen the truth...even if I had been told things by Annie which contributed to my blindness. Annie had never asked anything of me...except the right to be a part of my life, professionally and personally...and I had just told her she couldn't be anymore, except...to help with the band. The truth of it...plain and simple...is that she couldn't have felt anything but used. What I was doing was ignoring her feelings...and I thought that she'd still want to go out on a limb for the band. Although Annie had not been honest with me when we had discussed our relationship...I had been blind to a poweful truth that today, I see clearly. Actions speak much louder than words. Annie's actions clearly showed a deeper feeling for me than her words suggested...but I missed that completely. I continued to miss that truth, in my life, for many more years, with many other people, before I learned. I made the same mistake when I trusted my brother repeatedly, too. His actions were always the opposite of his words. The worst part was...I wasn't seeing Patti the way she was either...only the way I wanted to. That relationship was almost doomed from the start. The truth is...Annie deserved better. And the damage I did to Annie, Patti, myself, and the guys in the band from that very poor decision had very profound effects on all of our lives...