Realizing the Truth

The weekend I told Annie of my decision was a very difficult one. Annie decided to stay with friends, rather than to spend any more time with me, and I knew that I had hurt her deeply. I wanted to take back my words, but it was too late for that, and I really didn't know what I could say to her that would make any difference anyway. One thing I did feel was that I had always been honest with her. Without a doubt, I had misread this situation completely, but a large part of me was upset with Annie for having been so dishonest about her feelings with me. Of course I had misread things...I had believed her words, and her sincerity. I thought she was being unfair with me...I thought our relationship had been based on trust and honesty. I was still very naive, I guess. I was still enough of an idealist to believe when any person I was close to told me something that I thought was sincere, I never questioned it, or the motives behind it. I guess I just saw and believed what I wanted to. Although my life had demanded I be very vigilant of most people, and their motives..I think there was a part of me that needed to feel like certain people in my life were above deceit. I also felt that most of the people who had chosen to be involved with Avalanche were as driven as I was to see it succeed. That was just a fantasy on my part. People have their own motives for the things they do, and they are usually self-serving. I guess I am no exception. I saw what I chose to, and was blind to any other reality. I had never even considered the fact that I had never been given a phone number for Tony Oteda, and unless Annie decided to share it with me, I had no way to get in touch with him...or to meet with him. As I realized that truth...too late...all I could hope was that Annie would follow through on that meeting...and I realized that the band's entire future depended on whether or not she was willing to do that. I hoped for the sake of the other people involved, she would get past our personal differences, and make sure that it would take place, as planned. A few days later, after having no luck getting through to her by phone...I decided to go to New York, to meet with her at her agency to find out...