Avalanche's Swan Song

The day of the West Hartford concert dawned cold and gray. Looking back now, that was very appropriate. At our first concert, eight months earlier, the weather had been a sunny and clear summer day...and a good omen. On this day the weather was ominous and threatening. By late afternoon, it was snowing, and I knew that in addition to it being hard to draw a good crowd in the middle of the work week, we now had the added problem of bad weather, which would also have an impact on attendance. We did our load-in and sound check, finishing around 7:00. At 8:00, snow was coming down hard, and the owner of the Ballroom we were playing, told me that he was considering cancelling the show. With all the gear already set up and ready, and the band anxious to play again, I hoped he would let us play, but I realized that even if he did, it would be a light turnout. It was kind of a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation...either the club would be unhappy, or the band would. On this night, even though it was our first time at this venue, I thought I'd rather have it be the club. I could always say that a light turnout was about the weather. But the band couldn't really afford another disappointment. Some die-hard fans began showing up around 9:00...and by 9:30...there were, maybe 150 people in the huge main room, which felt very empty for an Avalanche show. We delayed our first set for 30 minutes...so people who might be slowed down by the weather would have a chance to arrive, because the snow was getting worse. It was the first time we had played to what felt like, an empty room. The band was good, but the energy that usually came to us from an audience and drove us...was noticably absent, and we felt it. Midway through our second set, there were only 50 people left in the room. The weather had done its work. But I knew that the weather wasn't all of it. The loss of momentum that had been so crucial to the band's energy and audience interest, had finally caught up to us, and was taking its toll. The owner was polite, but was also disappointed with the turnout. I wasn't optimistic about us getting a return engagement, any time soon. As I drove home after the gig, I realized we had a big problem...and that the only chance to turn it around was in the recording studio...but at that moment, I had no way to know that we had just played our last gig as Avalanche...

Bad News Travels Fast

A lot had happened in the thirteen months since the release of Avalanche's first record. There had been incredible response to the band from the public and the radio stations, and we had played some outstanding concert dates. Our overall track record as a new band was exceptional. The reality was..we were right on course...even with the setbacks we had experienced. The music business is very tough, and I had never thought we'd come so far...so fast. Annie had never been a part of my original plan, and even though a lot of our best shows were a result of her connection to me, those dates were now  references I could use to further our goals. My brother hadn't been a part of my plan either, and I was no longer blind to the fact that I couldn't rely on him in any way. The one thing I had no idea how to deal with was how to overcome the damage they were in a position to continue to inflict on our reputation, if they chose to...and I had every reason to believe they would choose to...based on what I seen and heard from them. They were both very powerful forces in the music business, and having them as adversaries instead of allies had never been part of my plan. My brother still talked with Annie regularly...sometimes about club business, and sometimes because he was still involved with her roommate. And he had no problem telling people who knew me about what had transpired between Annie and me...and that included Charles, the one person I had hoped to delay telling. I had also wanted him to hear this news from me...not from anyone else. Once Charles knew...he made sure everyone else did too, and within a day or two, I was dealing with a lot of opinions and dissent from people I had bent over backwards for, and who I now felt were judging me on my personal life. But the truth was...this was their business...and they had every right to expect me to follow the same rules regarding girlfriends affecting the band's well-being as they did. I don't think I saw it that way at the time, though, because I had no way to defend what I had done...or to aplogize adequately for the consequences my actions would have on everything we had hoped would happen through Annie's agency. I felt cornered...and defensive. And I think most of all I was angry with myself...because I knew they were right.

The Beginning of the End

As I drove back from New York, I realized just how much damage I had done because of my decision about Patti. I suspected Annie hadn't been telling the truth in New York when she told me that Tony Oteda hadn't called her back in the two months since the meeting had first been discussed...he had been very clear about his intentions at that time, and he would have stayed in touch with her...but there was no way to know for sure. Financially, there was a lot at stake for all parties concerned, and I knew that I had blown it when I hadn't asked Annie for Tony's number when he had first called. I guess I always thought that she would do whatever was needed to make the meeting happen, and there was no way for me to foresee how the events of the past two months would unfold at that time. Now, I was on my own, and I doubted that if Annie had been telling me the truth about Tony not having called her back...that she would follow through and arrange a meeting between us...if he should. The truth was...there were lots of good agents out there, and if the band could just keep on playing and recording, they...or Tony...would  find us. At the time I couldn't see that truth. The more obvious truth was the one I saw. The band wasn't working. We had just lost our most powerful ally. And we were running out of options...and time. The band had become fragile, and I was feeling very nervous about this. It felt like this was a fatal blow, especially after all the things that had been happening within the band as a result of the banned second record, and all the damage we had experienced from the sabotage by my brother. I decided to hold off on telling the guys, especially Charles, about the situation with Annie a little longer, since I thought there was still a chance that Tony might get through to me. Although I knew that was unlikely, I kept hoping against hope. But I knew we needed to find some new venues to play immediately...to re-establish some momentum until we could record again. When I got back home, I called a major concert venue in West Hartford that we hadn't played yet, and was pleasantly surprised to reach the booking agent there and find out that he was receptive to having us appear there. I booked the date for two weeks from then, on a Wednesday night. I knew it wasn't a good night for a show, but at least it was something good to report to the guys...and I needed something good to tell them. I couldn't know as I hung up the phone that I had just booked Avalanche's final concert date...

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned...

I had been to the offices of American Talent International a couple of times before. I was always impressed with what occurred there, and the many groups that they represented. There were numerous Gold and Platinum records lining the walls in the offices of agents that worked there, and everytime I had been there I had seen musicians who were role models to me, walking the halls. I was always a little bit in awe of the place, and that this agency was interested in my band. I had always been treated cordially there when I had stopped in. This time, things felt very different..an indifference from them, as if I wasn't even there. I waited outside of Annie's office for about fifteen minutes, which was unusual. In the past, I had been ushered in within a minute or two. I guessed that people there were aware of what had transpired over the weekend. It all just made me even more uncomfortable. When I was finally told "Annie will see you now," and walked into her office, any cordiality I had experienced in the past was noticeably absent. She asked me what she could do for me in a very business-like way, and the first thing I did was to try to apologize for the pain she was feeling as a result of the weekend. She said she was fine. But it just reopened the wound all over again. Maybe if I had said to her that I had reconsidered..I might have had a different response from her..but I doubt it. She was not hearing anything from me. When I asked her about the meeting with Tony Oteda, she told me that she hadn't heard from him since that first call, and that unless he contacted her, she wasn't going to pester him about it. She then looked me in the eye and said "you know, you guys aren't as good as you think you are,"and at that moment, I knew. Even if Tony had called before about us..she was going to be very vindictive. I knew that all of her influence that in the past had been used to help the band, was now going to be used to thwart it, and Annie's reach was long. She asked if there was anything else, as she was "very busy". I just looked at her, got up and told her that I didn't think so. I said goodbye to her and walked out. As I walked down to the elevators, I realized fully, for the first time, the meaning of the phrase "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"...

Realizing the Truth

The weekend I told Annie of my decision was a very difficult one. Annie decided to stay with friends, rather than to spend any more time with me, and I knew that I had hurt her deeply. I wanted to take back my words, but it was too late for that, and I really didn't know what I could say to her that would make any difference anyway. One thing I did feel was that I had always been honest with her. Without a doubt, I had misread this situation completely, but a large part of me was upset with Annie for having been so dishonest about her feelings with me. Of course I had misread things...I had believed her words, and her sincerity. I thought she was being unfair with me...I thought our relationship had been based on trust and honesty. I was still very naive, I guess. I was still enough of an idealist to believe when any person I was close to told me something that I thought was sincere, I never questioned it, or the motives behind it. I guess I just saw and believed what I wanted to. Although my life had demanded I be very vigilant of most people, and their motives..I think there was a part of me that needed to feel like certain people in my life were above deceit. I also felt that most of the people who had chosen to be involved with Avalanche were as driven as I was to see it succeed. That was just a fantasy on my part. People have their own motives for the things they do, and they are usually self-serving. I guess I am no exception. I saw what I chose to, and was blind to any other reality. I had never even considered the fact that I had never been given a phone number for Tony Oteda, and unless Annie decided to share it with me, I had no way to get in touch with him...or to meet with him. As I realized that truth...too late...all I could hope was that Annie would follow through on that meeting...and I realized that the band's entire future depended on whether or not she was willing to do that. I hoped for the sake of the other people involved, she would get past our personal differences, and make sure that it would take place, as planned. A few days later, after having no luck getting through to her by phone...I decided to go to New York, to meet with her at her agency to find out... 

Another Very Bad Decision

When I look back on the relationship I thought I had with Annie...and how I misjudged it so completely...there is a part of me that says  "What was I thinking?" This ended up being one of the single most destructive choices I made during the band's existence...and in my life. It changed everything. Annie had been a real friend to me, and the band...my most powerful ally in the music business...and a woman I had been involved with for three years...but I was so blinded by infatuation that I couldn't see the disaster that I was inviting by the choice I'd made. It was totally insane, selfish, self-centered and blind of me. Today, with the wisdom of years...and more experience with women and life...and the clarity that comes from hindsight and being clean...I think I must have been crazy. I should have seen the truth...even if I had been told things by Annie which contributed to my blindness. Annie had never asked anything of me...except the right to be a part of my life, professionally and personally...and I had just told her she couldn't be anymore, except...to help with the band. The truth of it...plain and simple...is that she couldn't have felt anything but used. What I was doing was ignoring her feelings...and I thought that she'd still want to go out on a limb for the band. Although Annie had not been honest with me when we had discussed our relationship...I had been blind to a poweful truth that today, I see clearly. Actions speak much louder than words. Annie's actions clearly showed a deeper feeling for me than her words suggested...but I missed that completely. I continued to miss that truth, in my life, for many more years, with many other people, before I learned. I made the same mistake when I trusted my brother repeatedly, too. His actions were always the opposite of his words. The worst part was...I wasn't seeing Patti the way she was either...only the way I wanted to. That relationship was almost doomed from the start. The truth is...Annie deserved better. And the damage I did to Annie, Patti, myself, and the guys in the band from that very poor decision had very profound effects on all of our lives... 

The Decision about Patti

I don't recall a whole lot about the date we played at the club the following week. I do remember we had a respectable turnout, not a sellout as on past dates, but about three quarters of the room was full, which all things considered was as good as we could have hoped for. There was no radio station promoting the show...no big advertising push from the club...and no time for word of mouth to create any excitement...the gig just seemed to be an opportunity to play again. The band played well, but the energy from the audience which had been so powerful on a number of our other dates, was noticeably absent...or more subdued than I was used to. What I do remember more was...Annie was coming up for the weekend, and I think I was preoccupied with that...because I had decided to tell her when I saw her about my decision to date Patti exclusively. I was very uncomfortable about having to do that, but the thought of Patti breaking off our relationship entirely made me even more uncomfortable...and although I really wanted to wait until I had more time to think it through...Patti wasn't giving me that option. If I didn't tell Annie...Patti would take that as my decision. I was caught between a rock and a hard place. And I was breaking my own rule...about not letting girlfriends have an impact on the band's future...and I never even saw that. I knew Annie would be upset...and would probably try to change my mind about it...but I also thought that in the end, she would accept it as what I really wanted, and would just continue our friendship and our musical partnership. I was very wrong about that. I could tell from the minute I said the words to her...that my words were affecting her more than I had ever thought they would. At first, I think she thought I wasn't really serious about it, and that I was just running the idea by her (which in hindsight, is exactly what I should have done). She tried to gently bring to my attention some of the things I had already seen in Patti that scared me, and she also pointed out that what I was telling her wasn't really necessary. I told her I had an ultimatum from Patti, and that I thought that it was. I could tell the words cut into her very deeply. Her demeanor changed...and she became aloof and cold and I knew this was a much bigger problem than I had thought. She was really angry. And that was the last thing I had expected..

Intense Feelings, Faulty Perceptions, Poor Choices

Today, with the understanding I have of how the Disease of Addiction affects me, I am able to understand why I made choices I did throughout my life. While I was actually going through many of the major events and  personal problems in my life , I couldn't see that I was making some poor decisions based on bad information from faulty perception. The disease makes it very difficult for me to think "correctly" whenever intense feelings come into play. It distorts my view of myself, of others, of the world, and of reality, and at the same time..it tries to convince me that I'm seeing things very clearly which, of course, isn't true. My beliefs and actions are dictated by faulty perception. The way to treat this disease is to first, stop using drugs..using is like pouring gasoline on a raging fire..and then develop coping skills and a spiritual way of living, which reduces the intensity of feelings, and therefore corrects faulty perceptions. There is no known cure for this disease, but the symptoms can be arrested. Drugs always intensify feelings..or numb them..so either way, I'm not seeing anything the way it really is when I'm using. I had felt so much intense pain after the murder, that I nearly killed myself trying to stop it. Now, that pain was back..and I was also coping with the fear, frustration, and pain that resulted from the banned record, instability in the band, my brother's sabotage, and the feelings that resulted from those things..and Patti's ultimatum promised more pain and consequence, no matter what I decided. I used a lot of drugs just trying to survive my feelings..and the problem with that was..I was making life-altering decisions in that state of mind..and everyone else in the band was too..and though success  seemed so close..it seemed to be getting further away..and I had no idea what the reality was. I was scared..I couldn't handle any more pain. I knew if I could just survive this for one more month..the pressure would be gone..because we'd be signed..so I just tried to hang on..but I was hanging on to the wrong things..and I couldn't see it.. 

 

An Uncomfortable Ultimatum

After the trip to Jamaica, Patti and I had become a lot closer. A few days after we returned home, Patti met me one night to let me know that she was no longer emotionally equipped to keep our relationship an open one, and that for her well being, she told me that either I allow her to move in with me at my house and see her exclusively, or she wasn't prepared to keep seeing me at all. I could tell from her tone, that she was very serious. And in all honesty, it made me very uncomfortable. I had a lot of major issues to deal with at that time, and with everything that had been going on with the band, it couldn't have happened at a worse time. Although I felt like I was falling in love with her, I had seen some warning signs of possible problems with Patti's drug use. But even more importantly, I was worried about how Annie might respond if I made the decision to have Patti move in with me. Even though I knew I wasn't in love with Annie, and she had always said she wasn't in love with me, there was no doubt about the fact that we were very close...and she had always known that she could spend time with me when she wanted to. If I agreed to Patti's demand, that would no longer be true. I think in my heart I knew that she wasn't going to like it, but I thought that no matter what...we were, and would remain, really good friends...and if I told her I had fallen in love...I guess I believed she would be happy for me. Today, I know just how naive I was to think that...I wasn't very experienced with serious emotional relationships, or in understanding how women think and react. I had only had a serious relationship with one other woman before that...and it had ended very badly. I knew Annie had done a great deal to help the band, and because she had so much time and energy invested in the group, I thought the business part of our relationship was seperate from the personal relationship we had. That was a very male point of view. I know today...that women have a lot more difficulty seperating aspects of a relationship than men do. I also haven't figured out yet if that is a male flaw, or a female flaw...but I do think that it is a fact...and probably has to do with men being creatures of logic and problem solving, often denying their feelings...while women are much more in tune with their emotions and their feelings, and their feelings often motivate their actions. The bottom line is...I learned that the sexes think differently about the same things. At the time, I also didn't know if I could deal with all the stresses I was feeling...and cope with the added pain I felt I would experience if I was unable to see Patti at all...because I didn't agree to her ultimatum. The whole thing was just too much for me. I wanted Patti to wait for a month...until we had been signed...but Patti felt she had waited too long already...and she wasn't having any of that...and she made it clear that I was going to have to make up my mind. 

A Gig on Short Notice

The following day, I drove down to the club to meet with a couple of the owners about having us back to play there. It had been six weeks since our gig with AC/DC, and I knew our track record of drawing huge crowds would give us some leverage...but I made sure I went when I knew my brother wouldn't be around to sabotage our chances. As it turned out, there was an open Thursday night on the club's calendar the following week, and although I knew Thursday night turnouts during winter could be light, I decided it was the opportunity we needed to get the band back on stage. On such short notice, there wouldn't be a lot of promotion or advertising time, and although I knew that up to that point, we had normally drawn great crowds..that had only been true if people knew we were playing. I decided that the band needed to work, and that regardless of the promotion, we would still do OK, and even if it wasn't a sellout this time...it wouldn't be a reflection on the band, as much as the timing. But I had been away for three weeks...and I found out a lot of things had changed in the six weeks since our date there with AC/DC...because the club did very little advertising for the show...only a few radio spots and some local print ads that just listed the date in a calendar of upcoming events...hardly the kind of promotion needed to bring in a crowd for an established band that was hastily booked, and with the show  just a week away. I thought the club would have invested some money to push the show...a good crowd was in their best interests financially...but as the date approached, and most people I talked with didn't even know we were playing on that night...it became very obvious that hadn't happened...and I wondered how much my brother had to do with that...I knew a light turnout would be perceived as a loss of momentum, and momentum was what had been keeping the band going...and an Avalanche that stops moving... just becomes a snowdrift...

The Gathering Storm

After I got back from Jamaica, the first thing I did was check in with the guys in the band. Mark was feeling much better, and his Hepititis was pretty much past. He and Barry were both anxious to get back to work, and with a lot of new music written, I was looking forward to getting into rehearsals, since I knew that in a little more than thirty days, I'd be meeting with Tony Oteda and we would be signing a management deal which would change all of our futures forever. I needed to keep the band focused on the music, and not the calendar...and if I could do that, the time would go by quickly. Charles seemed to be indifferent to my return, except for my awareness that he was glad free cocaine had returned. It was almost as if I sensed a resentment from him. I couldn't tell if he thought I should have left him a large batch of cocaine in my absence, so he could amuse himself until I got back..or if he thought I should have taken him to Jamaica with me, but whatever it really was... something felt different. He had always been easily influenced by the people around him, and I also wondered what kind of crap Nick or Bonnie might have been feeding him for three weeks, without me being there to keep him positive and focused. He immediately showed up at my house the first night I was back, looking to spend a few hours trying to get news about the band situation from me, even though he knew I hadn't even had time to unpack yet, and I didn't have anything new to report. Of course he ended up needing to be appeased with a few hundred dollars worth of cocaine, and I did my best to remind him about our management deal in a month, and the five new Avalanche songs I had written while I was away...but the healthy glow and positive energy I had returned with wasn't destined to last nearly as long as I had hoped it would, because his attitude was, if anything, worse than when I had left. I wasn't sure how to get him to calm down...booze made him crazy, coke made him wired, and our lack of work was making him angry...and although I kept telling him everything was going to be OK, it didn't take too long to realize that I wasn't really talking to Charles...I was talking to the booze and the drugs...and regardless of whoever or whatever was filling his head with fear and doubt about the band...and I didn't know who was doing that, or what that was about...it was definitely worse than I remembered it being a few weeks earlier...and I didn't really know for sure what to do about it...

Negril, Jamaica

I had been to Negril, Jamaica before...for two weeks in 1976, and I have aways thought it is one of the most amazing places on Earth. Back then, the world hadn't discovered the place yet...it was natural, unspoiled, and very laid back. Negril had a seven mile stretch of pure white sand beach, with calm 86 degree turquoise water protected by an off-shore coral reef...and very few people. There were no buildings over two stories in height, but lots of thatched huts, housing small businesses. There were more burros than cars back then, and the closest pay phone was in Sav-La-Mar, a town 22 miles away. It was like travelling back in time. The people were amazingly friendly, the pot was very cheap, (and some of the very best in the world, if you knew how get the locals to give up the good stuff), and it was everywhere on the island. There was no crime at that time, except for Kingston, on the opposite coast, 255 miles away. The best weather each year began around Christmas...so I was in the right place at the right time. I rented a five room villa, the same one I had rented in 1976...with vaulted ceilings, marble floors, full kitchen, no phones or TV, and in front, a veranda about 100 ft. from the water. A maid and a cook came with the villa, as part of the "package", and the beach was private and guarded. I always rented a motorcycle while we were there, because getting around on a bike was the way to go...they were cheaper to rent, and much better on gas, which was expensive...plus, it never rained there in January..and temperatures ranged from 90 in the day to about 73 at night...perfect motorcycle weather. I spent a lot of time smoking lambsbread,(very high-grade Jamaican sinsemilla)  writing songs, swimming, walking on the beach, eating fruits, and lobster and fresh fish caught by the locals..still flopping around in the canoes as they came in. The exchange rate there was 17 to 1..so $1000 U.S. was $17,000 Jamaican...and things there cost roughly 3 times as much...not 17 times as much, so the money went really far. We dined in nice restaurants, did whatever we wanted to, and Patti and I had a great time. It is a very romantic place, and after three weeks together, Patti and I had grown a lot closer. As in the past, I had brought a guitar, and wrote five new songs, and I remember thinking that they were very good. While we were there, a news event that was so world-changing occurred...and even in the laid-back, away-from-the-rest-of-the-world environment that was Jamaica...this news was almost unbelievable. John Lennon had been shot dead in New York City by a lunatic. The news spread like wildfire. Tourists and native Jamaicans alike were profoundly affected by the news. People were in a state of shock. I think it was only at that moment, for the very first time, did I realize just how powerful and far-reaching the effect of rock music had on people everywhere...and even in a place like Jamaica...a world away from everything...the sense of loss, and the feeling that history had just been irrevocably changed was obvious. People were very angry. Many were crying. It was as if a prophet had been struck down. Even in such a tranquil place...the news shook people to the core. I had purposely rented a place with no phones, radio, or TV...so I knew I'd have to wait to hear more about this...but everyone was very saddened by this news. I was grateful I had been in a place that resembled paradise when I heard it...it seemed to soften the blow a little. I did the best I could to try to enjoy the rest of my time there...and Jamaica is so beautiful and quiet that I was able to do that...and I was also able to put down some thoughts, and write some new Avalanche music. Going back to Jamaica  became an annual event for me...it was always very healing...and a place for me to clean out...and to focus and write...and as we got ready to return home...I was feeling really great about getting back to work... 

The Long Trip to Miami

After the gig ended, I left the crew to take care of the pack up and load out. I knew Bruce, Mark, David, Brian, and Wheat(Chris) knew exactly what they were doing, and I could trust them. Mark was very weak, and left for home immediately with Barry. Charles, as usual, was just getting started with his late night ritual...and it was New Year's Eve, after all. And I was getting ready to leave...I had a flight to catch in Miami in 28 hours. Patti and I were leaving for Jamaica, and had decided to save money by flying out of Florida, because this was going to be a three week vacation in Negril, and the villa I had rented there was costing me a lot of money. Her 240-Z was already loaded, and as we squeezed into it, I realized this was going to be a very long drive to Miami...and although I was very tired, I knew I would be doing nearly all of the driving, if we were going to catch the plane. Another less than rational decision on my part. We should have flown out of Hartford the next day, and spent the extra $600.00, but money was an issue at that time, and I hadn't thought about the gig, or my inevitable fatigue after it, or how hard it would be to make the trip to Miami in time to catch the plane. Hell, I hadn't thought at all...I just booked the flight, and that was that. We had a 7:00AM flight out of Miami on Jan. 2, and we hit the road at just before 3:00AM on January 1...and I knew it was definetely going to be tight. We did a lot of cocaine during the ride, and without it, I never would have stayed awake. But the whole purpose of the trip was to take a three week break from drugs, and get healthy and centered. So I made sure that I brought only enough coke to get us to Miami. As we crossed the Georgia/Florida line, I was pulled over by a Florida trooper...clocked at 90 MPH. The trooper was nice, he didn't give us a hard time, even though he had to know we were fried...and today, I know that was a Higher Power watching over me in my active addiction, as was our safe arrival in Miami. When he found out why were speeding, and the time of our flight...he told us..."you aren't going to make it." He was right. When we pulled into Miami International it was 7:30AM, and the plane was gone. We were allowed to catch a later flight...and as we waited the three hours sitting in the airport for it, I was thinking about the gig, and the drive to Florida...and how much I needed this rest...

New Years Eve...1979/1980

 Later that night, I was greeted by a sight I hardly expected when I arrived at the gig. It was about 25 degrees outside, but there was a very long line of people, stretching all the way around the building. It was almost surreal to see that at a bowling alley. By 9:20, the room we were to play in was overflowing...people were everywhere...on tables, standing wherever they could, and spilling out into the area just outside the bar, into a dining area, and further beyond that, to the area where the lanes and the bowlers were. For over two hours, the long line outside never shrunk, even with the cold temperatures. If one person left, another person would be allowed in. The room itself had been overrun, by three times legal capacity. People were screaming for the band, lighting lighters, like at the end of a concert, and generally letting it be known they were ready to rock...and that was happening thirty miutes before before we even started to play. The crowd was so pumped up as we took the stage, that to this day, I can't remember ever playing anywhere, where I felt so totally loved. To have people feel that strongly about music that we had created was the greatest compliment I have ever received. The energy they were feeding us was incredible. They were all calling out song titles by name, cheering and whistling, and I mean...it was powerful. As we took the stage to play our first set, I felt something I had never felt at any of our other shows...that kind of connection with an audience that is beyond music. It was an unreal bond, and we were so blown away by it, that I believe it was the best gig, musically, we ever had. Even with Mark being sick, the energy was so intense that we all played with a fire and a precision that surprised even me. Everybody in the band played as well as I had ever heard them play..we all had personal bests on the same night. Mark was amazing...playing and singing like hepititis wasn't an issue, and nobody in the band or the audience could even tell he was sick. I began to realize that I had entirely misjudged this date. The venue didn't matter. The fans did. People didn't care what they had to go through to see us...they loved this band, and nobody wanted the night to end. But by the end of our second 90 min. set, the hepatitis had caught up to Mark, and he was ready to collapse. We played a last encore, and thanked the crowd...and as we left the stage area...I hoped this was a hint of what the New Year had in store for us...

Mark Easton...and Courage

I had very mixed feelings as we set up the gear for the New Years Eve gig at the local bowling center's bar. As I looked around, I thought to myself ..."what the hell are we doing here?" It just felt wrong. This was not what this band was about. It felt like we were surrendering to all the naysayers who had said we were just another local band. I knew that we had already proven that wasn't true. But there we were, nevertheless. I decided to try to make sure that the room's drawbacks didn't keep the band from being what we were...a concert act, with a record. If we were going to play, we were going to do it right. We only brought in half the stage gear and PA, and we set up and sound checked by late afternoon. The sound in the room was quite good, and I convinced myself that this might be OK...Mark was still sick, but he was determined to show up and play anyway, and I couldn't help but feel incredible gratitude for his committment to the band, since I knew how weak he had to be, and what an extraordinary amount of desire and will he was summoning up to be there at all. It was inspiring to me. I looked at my "poor us" attitude...then I looked at him...and I made up my mind at that moment to treat this gig exactly the same as every other gig we had done. The size of the room didn't matter. Avalanche was unstoppable, unless we decided to stop ourselves...Mark wasn't letting Hepititis stop him...and it was then I decided...I wouldn't let self-pity stop me. From that moment, the attitude in the room, once again, became strictly business. I also learned something at that moment. A band isn't defined by the size of the room it plays...it is defined by the power of it's own belief in itself. The music makes the band...not the venue. I knew Mark was still far from 100%, but wild horses couldn't have kept him away. I realized that my desire to have him in Avalanche was an inspired decision...that on this day, he probably wasn't feeling a lot different than he had felt that first day he had jammed with us, and decided to join the band. Although he had been sick then, he had felt inspired by us...and now...I was feeling inspired by him. He was an unstoppable force...and I was glad he was my friend.. 

Spending Time With Patti

During the three week layoff, there was really nothing for any of us to do. We couldn't rehearse, I had decided not to even try to get bookings until after the New Year, and I was feeling pretty insecure about a lot of things. I had been seeing Patti fairly regularly for two years now, but our relationship, which was still pretty passionate, was still open and non-exclusive. In the last few months of 1979, I had been seeing her more, and at this point, I needed the comfort that my relationship with her seemed to provide. She was like a pain killer for me, and the pain, that old pain that had never been addressed, and hadn't been an issue at all for the past three years, was starting to reappear. Except it had turned into a deeper pain. For three years, I had been so totally consumed with Avalanche that it had seemed to me that it had healed. But it hadn't. It had just been lying there, deep inside of me, dormant..but ever-present, and the series of events I had experienced in the past few months..the banned record, the problems with Charles, the lack of work, and the betrayal by my brother..had reawakened it. The clarity and total committment to my blueprint had kept me very distracted. Now, as things that never should have happened..seemed to be happening with great regularity..it was definetely back, and I found relief from that pain in my relationship with Patti. At the time, I thought it was love. I thought she was still pretty together, and she was there for me. As the year ended, we were really spending a lot of time together, and conversely, Annie was also spending less time with me...as job committments in New York, and fewer Avalanche gigs seemed to make our relationship less serious...as if both our business relationship, and our personal one had both been put on a "back burner." A lot of my communications with her were over the phone, although I still saw her once, and sometimes twice a month. But when I did see Annie, I could see it was starting to hurt Patti. And for Patti...that was becoming a real issue...so we decided on a trip to Jamaica in January. We needed a clean out..and I needed a rest.. 

Another Month Closer

After the AC/DC show, and the realization that an agenda of my brother's was the reason we hadn't gotten any bookings, I was literally on my own. I had no real chance. The few places that I had dealt with were not ready to book us back yet, due to the rotation delay..and our frequent appearances at the club, combined with the new disagreement between me and my brother, pretty much created a problem there, as well. Trying to personally overcome the damage and the slander created by him, was impossible. He was a powerful force in the New England music business, and since he had more credibility with club owners than I did, and since we were the target of that slander, when I tried to get a booking..it appeared to the club owners that I had a better reason to lie than he did..so it was an exercise in futility. It was 60 days before my meeting with Tony Oteda, and I knew that it was going be a very difficult job keeping the morale within the band up, because we had no bookings at all. That turned into a blessing though, because it was right around this time that Mark was stricken with  Hepititis. On top of everything else, now Mark was very sick, too. It gave me was a reason why I could tell everyone we were not taking any gigs for a while..but the truth was..there weren't any gigs, and I didn't really know if there would be until Tony and I met. I wouldn't wish Hepititis on anyone, especially Mark, having had it myself, but it did stave off a lot of grumbling. That week, I got a call from a local club, located at a bowling center, asking if we'd play there in three weeks, for New Years Eve. I knew I shouldn't say no, but I didn't want to say yes. There was something wrong with the  picture... from a sold out show with AC/DC, to a bar at a bowling alley. It was depressing. I called Mark, to ask how he was, and to find out if he thought he'd be well enough to play. He told me to take the gig..he'd be OK by then. With great reluctance, I confirmed the date, but found it very difficult to spit out the words.."We'll do it"..and I thought ..what the hell is happening?

Sabotaged

A few weeks after the AC/DC show, I realized something just wasn't making sense. Since I had given my brother exclusive control of booking our live performances, the only dates we had played were the ones that Annie and A.T.I. had requested we do at the club. Considering our ability to sell out the large venues consistently, and the way we had been received by audiences, there was no reason this should have been true. I decided to see if our track record could get the band into a couple of out of state venues. The first place I called, I got some very disturbing news. This club had called my brother looking to book Avalanche, but had been literally talked out of it. My brother had told them that they wouldn't really want us...we were too loud, and that the hype about us was just that...hype. My brother had said that he had to warn them that we were difficult to deal with, and were really just another local band. This owner had taken that information very seriously. He was aware of the fact that we were brothers, and if it wasn't true, why would he be told that? I told him the band was doing very well, and that most of our shows had sold out, I told him about our recent date with AC/DC, and that we'd love to play his room. He told me he would have to think about it, and if he was interested, he'd get back to me. I hung up the phone, and realized that this guy was afraid to book us...and I knew that the reason we hadn't gotten any gigs at all for those nearly four months hadn't been due to a lack of interest...it was because interested clubs had been misled and actively discouraged from booking us...and although I had no idea what could have motivated my brother to do that, I realized that he had severely damaged Avalanche's reputation, and our ability to work. I was furious. The sense of betrayal I felt was intensely painful. I immediately confronted my brother with this information. Of course, he denied it. He told me that if I didn't like the way he was doing things, I could do it myself. I responded by firing him as our booking agent on the spot. I felt I could hardly do worse than he had. In nearly four months time, with complete freedom and exclusivity to do whatever he needed to...he hadn't booked one date, and had cost us countless gigs. It was the same sabotage I had experienced at his hands before, only this time...there was a great deal more at stake...and the damage he caused us was incalculable. 

Thoughts After the Show

After the set, back in the quiet and security of our dressing room, I was totally spent. And so were the rest of the guys. We had put as much into that 90 min. set as we usually did in an entire night. We were totally soaked in our own sweat, and I remember having to literally peel off my stage clothes. Annie came in and congratulated us on our best performance to date. We had done extremely well, especially under such adverse playing conditions, and although I knew that was true, I kept thinking we could have been a lot better, if we had only had a little more room to move, and really put on a show. I was still angry...and today, I realize that is exactly how the disease of addiction affects me...I can become obsessive, and hang on to feelings like a pitbull hangs on to a steak. We had done very well, and I was still pissed off. A lot of people came up to the dressing room that night, and I was in the mood to put out a lot of cocaine, and vent my frustrations. After about 30 minutes had gone by, I could hear the sound of AC/DC as they started their set, and there was a part of me that wanted to go downstairs to see their show. Annie excused herself to do that, and I told her I'd be down shortly. After she left though, there were more knocks on the door, more visitors to the dressing room, there was more cocaine to do, and the time started to get away from me, as I allowed myself to just stay angry. At about 45 minutes into AC/DC's set, I realized that if I didn't get downstairs soon, I'd end up missing them entirely...a really good band, and a really good show...and I remember clearly thinking..."fuck them..I'm not going to give them the satisfaction"...I just couldn't let it go. It was like I was drinking poison...and then waiting for them to die. I think I managed to get downstairs in time to hear the last song, and it was great, and I remember ending up feeling really pissed at myself for staying upstairs for so long...out of spite. I really liked this band, and I had missed them, for no reason that makes any sense to me today. From up in the dressing room, they sounded pretty good, but I'll never know what their entire set was really like...people who did see the whole show said they really kicked ass that night...maybe, just maybe, because they needed to. As for the "Battle of the Bands"...and who won...the truth, and the answer seems obvious. This past year, AC/DC was inducted into the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame...and Avalanche is pretty much forgotten...and my arrogance that night, astounds even me...  

The AC/DC Show

AC/DC had been around for a few years, and had a hard-core following. It was very obvious the people at the show  were there to see them. That didn't bother me at all, but I knew we were truly the opening act on this night. Usually people at a concert can't wait for the opening act to finish, because they come to see the headliner, and an opening act is just delaying that. But I had been at shows where opening acts had been sleepers, and had surprised and won over a hostile or indifferent crowd...and on this night, I was determined to make sure that we "shocked the hell" out of 1800 AC/DC fans. I looked at the stage, and the nearly impossible playing conditions we were putting up with...and I got angry. And anger can make for some very good rock n' roll. Back in our dressing room, I put out some hefty lines for the band and crew, and gave the kind of speech a coach gives a team before the big game. The only thing that mattered was...we had to have our best night ever. I reminded them all of the nightmare sound check..and that the best thing we could do...was to prove that, no matter what...you just can't keep a great band down. We were feeling very pumped up when we headed downstairs, and the crowd became aware of the fact that we meant business as we strapped on our guitars, and played a few riffs to check the amps and monitors. It felt as though they were at least going to give us a chance...and see what we could do. And we were determined to make sure that it the best set we had ever played. We exploded with Little Miss Sad Eyes and immediately followed up with I'm Gonna Give My Love...I knew that if the AC/DC fans who hadn't realized who we were, could make the mental connection to us and those two heavily played radio songs, the rest of our set would be taken much more seriously. And it worked. Somewhere into our third song, Mark Brett, motioned to me to look to my right...and there, leaning against the wall, were all the guys in AC/DC. They were very intent, and they didn't leave that spot for our entire set. They were taking us very seriously. We played ferociously and relentlessly. When we were called back for an encore...I knew that we had made a real impression...not only on the crowd...but on AC/DC, too.

Ego...and Poor Judgment

As I look back at the AC/DC show, it is easy for me to see now what I couldn't see then...that my damaged ego was affecting my good judgment. I was offended and angry at the treatment we had received at the hands of the AC/DC crew. I took it very personally. If I had been thinking more rationally, I would have probably realized that this crew probably treated every opening act this way, after all, it was obvious they were on a power trip. The biggest mistake I made, was assuming that if the crew were assholes, the band must be, too. The musicians in AC/DC, for all I knew, could have been great guys, who might have been just as upset with what their crew did as I was. I'll never know. In my mind we were now at war...I never ended up meeting the guys in that band. I didn't want to. I thought that AC/DC had drawn the battle lines, and we had nothing in common anymore. They weren't our friends, or kindred spirits...they were trying to screw us. I realize today that was a huge mistake. I should have known that roadies often throw their weight around, and can be obnoxious. When they do, the musicians they work for may not even be aware of it. My experience with all the other bands I had toured with or opened to at that time was...that usually, if the crew were nice guys, the bands were nice guys, and if the crews were assholes, well, so were the bands, because like-minded people are attracted to each other. But I have since seen many exceptions to that rule. Today, I really wish I had swallowed my pride, and taken the time to find out who and what kind of guys I was really dealing with where AC/DC was concerned..I probably would have found that we had a lot more similarities than differences, and we might have actually become friends. I know that the person I am today...clean, spiritual, and drug free, would not have blamed the band...for the actions of their roadies...I would at least have given them a chance to show their true colors, before forming an opinion...but in my mind...they were now the enemy...and I was committed to a course that I didn't feel I could turn from..

The AC/DC Sound Check

After I had gotten to the club, and realized that we were being thrust into a nightmare scenario by the AC/DC roadies, I got on the phone and called Annie in New York. She was just about to leave for Conn. to come to the show. I explained what was happening, and how I wasn't getting anywhere with this Australian crew, and she simply told me "Mike, they are the headliners...deal with it." Although I had no idea how I was supposed to do that, I said "OK" and told her I'd see her in a few hours. When our crew finally started to set up our gear, over two hours later, our amps were where we would normally be standing. Mark and Dave had to set the strobe tuners up off-stage...Barry's drums were at the very front of the stage, where Charles would normally be. After the gear was set up, there was less than twelve inches from the front end of the stage for us to stand, and the Marshalls we used were less than twelve inches behind us..and we knew that the playing that night was going to be very difficult, and literally painful, the amps were on top of us. As we set up our recording mics on the drum set, one of AC/DC's roadies stuck his head into the room. His jaw dropped as he looked at our customized  Marshall Stacks, and when he noticed the mics...he came right up to me, and in a heavy Austalian accent asked..."hey mate...are those Sennheisers? " I looked at him and said.."they sure are"...and he shot right back at me..."hey mate, do ya think we can use them?".. and I looked him straight in the eye and said.."absolutely...all you have to do is move your amp line and drum riser back 18 inches, (which he could have easily done) and I'll let you use every mic I have." He glared at me, and without wasting a second he just screamed..."no fuckin' way, man!" I just smiled at him and said..."well then, I hope you enjoy the Shures. He sputtered something and stormed away, very pissed. I just smiled to myself and thought "cooperation is a two way street." We finished our sound check well after 6:00, and I knew that this was going to end up being more like a battle of the bands, than the concert I had thought we were going to be playing only 24 hours earlier. And I thought to myself, if that's what they want...then that's what we'll give them...    

The AC/DC Load-In Nightmare

On the day of the AC/DC show, we arrived at the club at our usual 2:00PM load-in time to set up. AC/DC's crew was already there, setting up their gear. As an opening act, I knew we would have to cooperate with AC/DC's wishes and needs...that's just what opening acts put up with for the opportunity to open those kinds of shows...and get that kind of exposure...but the Australian crew were rude and abrasive...and this was something nobody, not even Annie, had prepared me for. The stage at the club was large, but it was a club stage. When we had played there the previous three times, we barely had enough room for all of our gear. What I thought would happen for this show, was...we would play our set, quickly wheel our gear offstage, and AC/DC would quickly set their stuff up. I expected there would be a 45 min. stage change time between bands. But AC/DC had other ideas. They had roughly almost as much gear as we did (we actually had more), but what they insisted on was that they set up their stage (taking just about all the available space), and whatever was left over...we would have to make do with. It was ludicrous. And the AC/DC roadies were totally rude, and completely indifferent to our needs. I was convinced that they were doing everything they could, once they had seen what kind of a band we were, and what kind of gear we had, to sabotage our show...any way they could. As much as I wanted to cooperate with them, I believed that cooperation was a two-way street, but no matter what I asked them, no matter how small, the answer was just a flat "no." They made it very clear they didn't care if we had to set up in the bathrooms...they were not going to budge an inch. I was pissed. Every other band we had always worked with had been great with us. These roadies were assholes. We waited at least another two hours for the AC/DC crew to finish their set-up, and they made sure they took it very slow. It was well after 4:00PM before they were finished...and as I looked at the stage, and the very tiny amount of room that they had left us for our gear, I knew we had our work cut out for us... 

Addiction...Faulty Perception and Bad Judgment

As I said,  I feel I was starting to make some poor decisions. Up until this point, I am still amazed at how clear and rational most of my decisions had been, especially when the heavy drug use is considered. I attribute that mostly to being so focused, so intent, and so inspired, that good feelings hadn't gotten in the way of clear thinking. I had felt invincible. When lots of things started to go wrong at once, and I was forced to deal with how powerless I was over a lot of those things, my fears, insecurities, and anger started to resurface, and with the drugs added to that mix, my perceptions and my thinking started to become distorted. And I had a lot of feelings coming up. I was very upset with the setback we had experienced with the second record, and its impact on the psyche of the band. I was also becoming increasingly aware of the fact that my brother was having no trouble getting bookings for the band we had helped him put together a year earlier, but was doing absolutely nothing in the way of helping us. I felt very betrayed and confused...because we were brothers. I thought he was aware of the trust I had put in him...hell, I had put everything that mattered in my life...and our entire future...in his hands. There was no way anyone with his connections, should have had any trouble finding places for a band like us to play. His lack of follow through was putting the band in jeopardy. I also felt very betrayed by Charles, because the friendship, trust, and confidence he once had in me and the project, seemed to be changing. I looked for comfort from Patti, who I had been spending more time with, but she was also becoming erratic as the drugs took hold of her. The truth was...I wasn't getting a lot of relief from an onslaught of uncomfortable feelings except  from drugs...and whatever I was feeling was being magnified by my drug use, and being high became a comfortable place during an uncomfortable time. Today, I think the drugs just added to my confusion, my fear, and my overreaction to things...I just couldn't see that then. Anything I had feelings about, the drugs just distorted my perceptions of that much more. And I think that was probably happening to all of us. As the AC/DC date approached, that process was starting to rear its ugly head. As I look back, I can see how it created a chain reaction of events that became very destructive...and that 90 days just kept feeling like an eternity... 

On A Highway To Hell with AC/DC

Less than a week after the meeting at my house, I got another call from Annie. This call was a really good one. She called to tell me that she had just booked AC/DC into the club, and she wanted to know if Avalanche wanted to open the show. AC/DC was doing a World Tour to promote their new album "Highway To Hell." It was doing pretty well in sales and on the radio, and if we played with them, it would be our most important concert yet. There was absolutely nothing to think about. The show was in two weeks, and by then it would have been over a month since our last gig. Not only did the band really need this, but there was nothing else on the horizon, because my brother had still not come through with any dates for us...So of course, I immediately agreed, and got more details from Annie. She made it very clear that we would have to cooperate with their crew, their show, and their gear...they were a major act, and they were the headliner. I told her I understood, and agreed without thinking twice..and she told me she would see me in a week. The next few days we rehearsed the band, and everyone was looking forward to not only playing again, but playing with AC/DC...we all liked their music. Everyone in the band was very relieved that the drought we had been experiencing was ending in such an impressive way...but, as I look back on this, I realize this was right around the time when I started making some poor decisions. I'm not sure exactly what was happening with me at that time to cause that...but I know the pressure I was feeling, and the disappointments we had been dealing with, combined with  Charles' regular nightly horror shows were starting to take a toll on me, physically, emotionally, and financially. Aside from reeling from all the stress, I had never had a band that had shared stages with the kinds of bands we were opening to, and I think I lost some perspective about a few things...the most important thing I forgot was that AC/DC were fellow musicians, and could be powerful allies, but I was feeling enough fear about the band at that time to perceive them as opponents after meeting their roadies...which is a shame. But it was easy to do that..they were from Australia, and Australian roadies are very rude and very crude...For the first time in a long time, it felt like I needed to prove that we were a good band, and I wasn't in the mood for rude and crude...

Cautious Optimism

After I had a chance to really digest the information I had just been given, I called up the guys...band and crew...and called a meeting at my house. Everyone needed to hear this news. The episode at the East Hartford club had created an air of uncertainty within the band...and morale was becoming a little fragile. The fact that the record hadn't made it to the air, combined with the fact that we weren't playing much, and my brother had failed to come through with even one gig yet...even though he had been given an exclusive to do that two months earlier, provided I didn't interfere with him...were all factors. The crew was great, and just took things in stride. Mark and Barry, also seemed to have decided to just trust that things would work out, but, like me, they were frustrated at our loss of momentum. Charles, however, was becoming a wild card. He was drinking more, staying out every night...often at the club after hours, getting drunk and doing lines, and venting his frustration on anyone who would listen. He would often show up at my house at two or three in the morning, looking for me to pull him out of a stupor, often staying till dawn as I tried to just calm him down. He was starting to wear me out physically, mentally, and financially. It was costing me hundreds of dollars every other night, and  I was most frustrated with his lack of faith and patience. We were still doing extremely well for a new band...and Charles (or Bonnie and Nick, I was never really sure where it was coming from) was forgetting that. I felt the news from New York, about our imminent management deal would make everyone, especially Charles, feel better. The strange thing was...after I told everyone what I had just heard from Annie...I wasn't sure if any of them really believed it. Hell, if I hadn't heard it myself, directly from Annie, I might not have believed it either. With all the things that had been going wrong...I think on that day, they weren't sure what I was telling them was the truth...and that had never happened before. I sensed they thought I was just trying to "pep talk" them. Although everyone left that day with a sense of cautious optimism, I started to feel like the 90 days couldn't go by soon enough...

Some Welcome News

After the gig in East Hartford had ended, I experienced an uncomfortable awareness that if something really positive didn't happen soon, the increasingly erratic behavior Charles was starting to exhibit could put Avalanche in real jeopardy. I knew Charles was the most fragile guy in the band. He was easily frustrated, and had a short fuse, especially if he had a few drinks in him. Fortunately, the call I needed to get, came a few days later, from Annie in New York City. She was calling to let me know that she had just had a conversation with Tony Oteda, the personal manager and mastermind behind the success of the band Foghat, who had business dealings with Annie, and A.T.I. He had told her that he had heard Avalanche's record, and that he loved the band. He felt we had incredible potential, but we needed an experienced manager. It was his intention to be that manager. He had told Annie that it would be about 90 days before he would be able to meet with me, to discuss signing a management deal, because he was totally involved with finishing the construction of a quarter million dollar recording studio that he was building for Foghat. And shortly thereafter, it was his intention to bring us into that new studio to record. He believed after we had done that, shopping the finished recordings and getting us signed to a major recording contract would happen very quickly. Annie passed along a message from him..just hang on for 90 days more. I was quiet for a moment as I let the words sink in. And I realized..this was it. All we had to do was what we had been doing anyway for the past two years... for 90 days more... and everything we had been working towards would finally happen, and every problem that I had been responsible for fixing could finally be handed off to a person with far greater experience in those areas, and I would be able to concentrate on just playing in and leading this band. A great sense of relief flooded over me, and for the first time, I realized the exhausting load and responsibility I had been carrying for so long would soon be over. I thanked Annie, told her I'd be in touch, and hung up. It felt like a great burden had been lifted...and for quite a while I just sat there...

The First Sign of Trouble

 After our debut gig, the three months that had followed had been a non-stop period of great gigs, great press, and unstoppable momentum. One of the first clubs we had played during that first month was a huge biker bar in East Hartford, with a capacity of over a thousand people. I was very happy when they called me back, asking us to play there again. The small rooms were really impractical for us, and playing them felt like we were taking three steps backwards, and we were all feeling a bit frustrated when we played in them. On the afternoon of the second East Hartford gig, the band showed up at two in the afternoon for load-in and sound check. Charles, who was probably the most frustrated of all the band members, didn't waste a minute getting to the bar as the roadies set up the gear, to enjoy a few drinks. Setting up the Avalanche stage was a two hour process, and by the time we were ready to sound check..Charles was feeling pretty good. We went into the bathroom at the club, and I gave him a few good lines, to clear his head for the sound check, which went very well. We all agreed to meet back at the club at 8:30PM...an hour before showtime. When I got back that evening, I found the place packed...another sold out show, and was feeling very good about the band and the upcoming sets...until it was 9:00PM and Charles had not shown up yet. We all knew that Charles could have a tendency to keep drinking, once he got started. I think everybody had some fears about what might have happened to him. Our first concern was that he might have had an accident. But we all just kept watching the door...expecting him at any moment. By 10:00PM, the owners of the club were really upset, they had a full house, and the band was already 30 mins. late...and I didn't know what to tell them, but there was no going on without Charles...so I stalled them as best I could. But I was really getting worried...and pissed. This was not OK. At 10:15PM Charles stumbled through the door. He was very drunk. I immediately pulled him into the dressing room and starting pumping cocaine into him to straighten him out. He was in a nasty mood, but after ten minutes, and a lot of lines, he was able to get to the stage. We hit the stage nearly an hour late, and played one very long set. Charles made a lot of mistakes that night, and for the first time..we got something we didn't need...an angry club owner...and for the first time...I saw real trouble on the horizon. 

The Struggle to Keep Playing

After the second WCCC show at the club, we really had no gigs on the calendar, no record on the air, no record in the works (I was still paying off the studio debt from the record that had been banned) and ten people who were all looking to me to provide the solutions to our problem. I knew the only thing that would fix this was..more time..to make money, so we could get back into the studio...more patience from the guys in the band, while I worked on that...and the gigs I was sure my brother would soon be getting for us. He had been given exclusive control over the band's bookings more than a month earlier, and I was starting to wonder why he hadn't been able to tell us he had some dates booked. When I asked him about it, he just said he had a lot of feelers out, and was waiting for return calls. Although I wondered to myself why he would be having any problems getting us booked into places (after all, all he had to do was tell potential "buyers" how we had done in his and every other  club we had played in so far)...I kept that to myself, and decided to let him do it the way he thought it should be done, because I knew that this was his area of expertise, and I thought he was doing the best job he could. After all, we were brothers...and he knew what was at stake. But I knew we had to work somewhere..just to keep the guys from going crazy. There were a couple of very small local rooms that kept pestering me to bring the band into, and we all had friends in town that wanted to see the band, so I decided that if we went in with a small stage, and didn't advertise at all, outside of the local area...that it would be better than not playing, in fact, it could be fun. After asking my brother if he would be OK with me doing that, and having him agree, I booked the dates. The first was at a small biker bar near the University of Conn. It was a local watering hole we had all spent time at, so it was like playing in a friend's house. Even with only half of our stage gear, and a fraction of our PA, we were deafeningly loud...but the place was packed, and stayed packed all night, and nobody seemed to mind or care...it was what they expected...and it was almost like playing a party for a few close friends. It did nothing for us in a business sense, but it was really what everybody really needed...because we needed to keep playing.... 

A Skeptic Becomes an Admirer

The club had been like a second home for me for many years. I had spent countless hours and days there over the eight years it had been in business. I was close with everyone there, and everyone was close with me. I had met and become friends with many musicians who stopped to play there. And many of the musical opportunities that had occured in my life were a result not only my playing skills, but also as a result of the friendships and relationships I had developed  there. There were six owners, two were my brothers, and the other four were two brothers, their sister, and her ex-husband. It was a "family". I can remember spending about four hours one night, very late, three years earlier, talking with one of the owners, and laying out my "blueprint" for the band with him...exactly as I had envisioned it. I remember him telling me that.."it is a really tough business" and that  he wished me luck. He might as well have said "fat chance." Of course, I never even heard that, because to me, the plan was crystal clear. After we finished the gig that Saturday night, our third consecutive sold-out show... and we had all changed clothes, I wandered around the club, which also housed numerous apartments. I stopped in to see Gary, the owner whom I had shared my vision with three years earlier, and who lived at the club. We sat down around his kitchen table, doing some lines, and talking about the night. At one point, I found him just staring at me with a funny, kind of puzzled look on his face, and he had gotten very quiet. Then he took a breath and said to me..."you know Mike, when you first told me your plan for this band I thought you were crazy...but I'll be damned  if every single thing you told me would happen...hasn't happened...exactly the way said it would! The equipment, the records, the radio airplay, the crowds...I mean ...do you realize you have sold out this club twice in a row, in less than two months? Do you know how hard that is to do? Do you know how many great bands have come in here and have been unable to do that even once?  I just need to say to you that I am totally amazed...and that you were right, and I was wrong...and I'm glad that I was wrong...it's really fucking amazing!" I thought about that conversation, three years earlier...and I smiled, and thanked him...and we did some more cocaine...    

The Second "Big Show" Sellout

There was nothing I could do at that moment to change the situation that the banning of our second record from the air..due to lyrical content..had created. But the one thing I did know was that the public was unaware of all of that, and that our show at the club was still being heavily promoted by WCCC. This would be the first time we would be headlining at the club on a weekend. I expected a good crowd. What we ended up with was another totally sold out show. If it was possible for us to have done better drawing a crowd than we had for the first show..we did. The place was mobbed. We had played the club three times since we started appearing in public...twice on our own, and once as an opening act...and all three shows were sold out. That was not a common occurance at the club. There were a handful of bands that had done that, but all of them were nationally known bands, signed to major labels. We were as yet, unsigned...and unknown nationally...but we were making quite an splash in New England, especially in Connecticut...and selling out this club on three consecutive dates was huge. As before, the first 107 people to show up got free T-shirts, but this time the shirts were really elaborate...the station had gone all out. I felt a little bit better when I realized that they were still behind the band, they were just protecting themselves from what they perceived as a public image problem. The band had a super night, and it was obvious to me that as long as we could just keep playing, the band would keep getting better and better. Our stage show was becoming relaxed and it was starting to feel easy to do, and the band was becoming very matter-of-fact in its ability to keep taking it to a higher level every night. People were starting to mouth the lyrics to the songs they knew from the radio, and I remember thinking how cool it was that people knew our lyrics. I fully believed that we would overcome the setback we had experienced a few days earlier, and the guys were all playing like that wasn't even a question. The name said it all...Avalanche.. "an unstoppable natural force"....The audience was the best one yet, and we knew we were developing some very loyal fans already. After we were called back for two encores..after two long sets..we knew that as long as we kept coming up with stuff...there would be an audience for it. As we got back into the dressing room, the mood was very upbeat...we knew we had played our best gig yet...and we still had that momentum...  

The Brick Wall

After I left WCCC, I knew I had a major mess to deal with. I quickly set up appointments with some of the other radio stations. Within a few days, I became aware of the fact that none of the stations wanted to risk playing this song. We had hit a brick wall. And not one of them offered to just play the "B" side, which at least would have allowed us to keep our momentum, give the public a new Avalanche record, and give us the time we needed to pay off the studio bills, and record a different record. I never got an explanation as to why that was true...and I never asked. I guess the stations just weren't excited enough about the B side to add it to their playlists. And paying off the studio bills was taking longer than I wanted, because I still had to pay salaries, and cover the costs of keeping the band and crew "happy"...even though now, we were rarely playing out.  No bookings were happening through my brother...and so there was the added frustration from that to deal with too. And I owed the studio a lot of money for recording sessions that were now, pointless. I was still making a lot of money...but I was spending it a lot faster than I was able to make it. I called the studio, and explained what was happening, and asked if it was possible to stop the pressing of the new batch of records. I was grateful when I got the call back saying that the pressing plant hadn't started that process yet, and it had been cancelled. At least I wouldn't have to pay for two thousand records that could be used as targets for skeet shooting, for all they were worth now. I dreaded having to tell the guys what was happening...since everyone had been totally pumped up about this new record...but there was no getting around it. After I broke the news to the guys at a band meeting I called at my house, everyone was really quiet...and the disappointment and doubt about what to do about this was really evident. This was one of those times I had to assume responsibility as the band-leader, but this time, for the first time, I had to admit a major miscalculation. Although I felt I had been a victim of circumstance, I still had to own it...and it was up to me to "fix" it, too...but I wasn't really sure how to do that. I knew it was going to take some time to generate the funds I needed to get us back into the studio, so all I could do was to encourage everybody to just shake it off. That was a lot easier said than done. But we had a huge show coming up in a few days, and so I tried my best to get everyone to just focus on what was right in front of us...the next gig. The best thing we could do...was to try to continue to be the best we could be...on stage.

Banned From The Air

The next show we were scheduled to do was the WCCC Big Show, that I had booked a month earlier. I had managed to get some acetates of the newly mastered recordings, and since I had already been told I could count on major airplay support from a number of the stations that had played the first single...I thought it was time to let the Program Directors from those stations get a preview of the record they would be playing soon. I went to WCCC first, since I had developed a good relationship with their Program Director, after all, he had come to the recording sessions, and we were about to do another "Big Show" for the station...to follow up on a very successful first one. I was excited to let him hear the finished product, because he had loved what he had heard before any vocal tracks had been done. I made the appointment to see him at the station about a week before our scheduled concert date at the club. I got into his office, and we talked for a while about the night of the session, and how well things had turned out on this record. Then I played him the acetate. And I knew instantly that something was wrong...he had a strange look on his face. When it was over he looked at me and said..."Mike..there is no way I'm putting this on the air"....and I thought he was joking. He wasn't. After I regained my composure, I asked him why. He told me that the lyrics were too controversial, that I had named certain government agencies by name, and that the lyrics were just too hot to handle. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I pointed out that I had invited him to the sessions, and that he had loved the record...and I had gone forward with manufacturing based on that...and all he said was that it was too bad he hadn't heard the lyrics that night, or he would have told me this stuff then. I was devastated. This was going to kill our momentum. The public expected a follow up record...and it was overdue. A few years later, Don Henly came out with a song called "Smuggler's Blues" which basically said a lot of the same stuff this song did...but this was years earlier...and I wasn't Don Henly. Sometimes being "ahead of the wave" has its drawbacks...and this was definetely one of those times. I knew this could stop us dead in the water...and cripple the band...but there was nothing I could do about it.

Playing The Clubs

For the next few weeks, I did the best I could to get us booked into the major clubs in Conn. Booking any band was not something I had a great deal of experience with. Most of the bands I had been in had the booking handled by managers and booking agents. That was their job, not mine...and I had always been OK with letting those people do that. But I had so much at stake with Avalanche, and was so aware of my need to keep the band working...and moving forward, that I stepped up and did the best I could while waiting for a deal to materialize. In the beginning, it seemed very easy...all the major clubs wanted us in as quickly as we could get there...but the number of rooms in the state that were actually large enough to accomodate us could be counted on two hands...and we played pretty much all of them in the first three months...and sold out nearly all of them. The problem that we were facing was overexposure in the same rooms. Most club owners had bands come in on a rotation...once every two or three months at the most, because to appear more frequently then that would usually result in people getting burned out on a certain act, and then not coming back to see them at all...or at least a lot less often. It made perfect sense, but it eventually left me with a dilemma. Where do we go now? The logical choices were the many colleges and clubs in the two or three state area bordering Conn. I had no idea how to contact or work with those places, but my twin brother, as a club owner, had a lot of experience in dealing with the people who did. I thought that after the hell I had been in only a few years earlier, and how well the band was doing, it would not only be something he'd be willing to do to help us...but it would also be easy and profitable for him too. I was prepared to offer him 10% of whatever the band made from his bookings.  And since many total strangers had stepped up with a lot of help, and he being my twin brother, I never thought twice about asking him. He agreed to get involved, provided I was willing to give him exclusive booking control. He told me that he didn't want me to cross-book the band on the same day he may have booked us elsewhere. That made sense to me, so it was an easy choice. It also proved to be a disastrous one...because when all was said and done, we never got one gig as a result of that decision. At first, I just figured his lack of results was due to his having to lay some necessary groundwork, but after it had gone on for an inordinately long time, and was starting to really affect the band in a negative way...I found out that there was another reason why that was true.

Almost On The Road with Toto

After the Pat Travers date, it seemed like all I had to do was pick up the phone and call any club in Connecticut, and we would instantly get a booking there..and often, clubs would adjust their calendars to get us in quickly  because wherever we did play, we drew huge crowds, and club owners made a lot of money. We were good for their business...and they were good for ours. The only problem was that a lot of the venues available to us were just too small to accomodate our gear....and the crowds we were drawing. There were a few that were big enough though, and those were the ones we concentrated on. One gig that we didn't sell out, was a date at Toad's Place, the premier music club in New Haven. We were there for the first time, and it was a Wednesday night on short notice, without a lot of advance promotion. We drew a respectable crowd for the middle of the week...especially with only a couple of days of limited advertising, but what we found out later on  was that we were competing with a concert at a nearby college featuring a great new band "Toto", which had a huge hit on the air at that time.."Hold The Line"...their debut record. As we started our second set, all the guys from Toto walked into the club, and listened intently to our entire set. When we finished...Jeff Porcaro who was originally from Hartford, and Steve Luthaker, Toto's guitarist came up to talk.  They were very impressed with the band. We exchanged numbers, because they wanted us to be the opening act for their upcoming national tour, which was promoting their first album on Columbia Records. I couldn't believe the luck...what were the odds of a band like that being in the same club we were playing in New Haven on a Wednesday night? I remember having mental images of huge arenas as I went to sleep that night. Two days later, I got a call from Jeff, telling me that although he had done everything he could to make it happen, Columbia Records, and Toto's management had vetoed the idea of using us. They felt that we were too unknown nationally...and wouldn't be able to help fill the arenas by selling tickets outside of Conn. Toto was still trying to establish themselves as a band too, because they were doing the same thing we were...bucking the "conventional" thinking. They were all studio players...who people in the business didn't think could "pull it off" in live performance.That ended up being a groundless fear...but I couldn't say anything except..."thanks for trying"...and felt very disappointed as I hung up the phone.

Another Sold Out Show

 The Pat Travers Band was enjoying a hit record on the air all over the country when we shared the stage with them at the club. "Boom Boom..Out Go The Lights" was on the way up the charts, and to be opening for a band with this kind of visibility was a real opportunity for us. They were one of the bands that Annie was responsible for booking into various venues, and so, of course she was at the show. I think that she was there as much to see how we would do in that kind of situation...opening to a major headliner..as she was for Pat Travers. We knew this was an important date for us. This time, though, we were playing the club on a Friday night, and as an opening act, we would only be doing one set. This time, there were four songs that had to be on the list...the two from the new record needed to be included in the 60 min. set we were being allotted. By an hour before showtime, the club was totally overrun...packed with another sold-out crowd, and although I knew we couldn't take the credit for that, I knew that Avalanche being advertised on the bill had certainly contributed to that fact. I also realized that it didn't matter, because with a turnout like that, the energy in the room would just kick us in the ass, and the exposure we would get would just add to the momentum we were already enjoying. We hit the stage at 9:30PM, and we had a confidence as we got ready to start that was all-business. We  played very well that night, and the "new" songs were big crowd pleasers. It felt great to be called back for an encore... and we gave The Pat Travers Band a really good run for their money that night...and as the crowd left the club...many people were talking about...Avalanche. A week later, I got a call from Annie, telling me that I had a job if I wanted one...playing with Pat Travers as a keyboardist/guitarist. Although I remember thinking to myself that I wished I had gotten that offer three years ago, there was nothing to think about now. I told Annie "thanks, but no thanks...I already have a job," and I realized how far I had come... to be turning down a gig like that, for a band of my own that I felt had greater potential. And I was feeling very good about everything...   

An Avalanche of Confidence

It seemed as though every day that went by, we were doing things in this band that were just causing that momentum we were creating to grow. The first record had done better than we had expected..the gigs had gone incredibly well...we were being courted by an internationally respected booking and management agency...we were being scheduled on tour dates with hugely successful bands...and our second record on my label had been recorded and was being promised heavy airplay, as soon as it was released. And now, we were getting ready to do the first of those tour dates. And most of this had happened in a two month period following our first gig. I knew this wasn't overnight success, because I had been working on this project for over three years, and the band had been woodshedding for almost two years, but once we actually started to appear in public, the speed of our rise was almost "meteoric". I remember meeting the leader of NRBQ, a Connecticut band that had enjoyed a lot of national success, at the club one night, and as I was introduced to him, he shook my hand and said in a very respectful way..."well, well..the Avalanche himself.."and I remember being stunned that this guy had heard about me, but more importantly, he knew about the band. I think it was at that moment, that I realized we were creating a real buzz in the industry...and that we were going to make it. I felt very honored, and humbled. And everyone in the band was feeling the same way. We had a confidence in what we were doing now that showed on and off stage. It is very hard to describe...it was an awareness of being valid...of knowing that everytime we hit the stage we were representing ourselves and our music, and it was up to us to do it the very best we could to project that attitude of validity every night....every night had to be better than the previous one..and we were doing it very well...

Finishing the Record

After the radio guy had left, I was able to finish laying down all the vocal tracks that night. The recording unmixed sounded great. We left all the gear exactly where it was, because we had rented the studio for two consecutive days. We all went home that night feeling very good about ourselves, and the next night we were right back in the studio again, this time to record the "B" side. Because everything was still "dialed in" from the day before, we were able to get right into the playing, but due to the complexity of the song, we spent a few hours more than we had on the previous night before we had a final take we were happy with. The vocals also took longer, due to the three part harmonies (Charles wasn't used to singing), but by 3:00AM we had the entire recording process finished. We packed up the gear, and I made arrangements with Peter to be back again the next day, to begin the mixing process. Once we actually started the mixing, I realized we had far more control of the sound than in the old studio, and I made the decision to take as long as we needed to get the mix "right" on this record. Three days and 24 studio hours later we had our final mixes, and the next phase was mastering, which we could now do on-site. A couple of days later, I met with the owner of the studio to do that, and once we finished..I ordered the pressing of the first two thousand stereo copies. I owed the studio a lot of money, and gave them a big chunk of it on the spot, but there was still a big balance due... but they were so confident in the band, and the record... that they just told me to make regular payments to them. Once again, I was getting a lot of help from places I never expected to get it. People I had only recently met, doing whatever they could... to help us succeed. It felt great. All that was left now, was to wait the four weeks or so it would take for the records to arrive, which gave me time to talk to record stores, and to go back to all the radio stations to set up the release and airplay of the new single...and the concert with The Pat Travers Band was only about a week away...

The Recording Sessions

We entered the new studio to record our second single feeling very optimistic. This was a much nicer place, with much better tools, and we had the benefit of a new confidence in ourselves, our music, and the recording process. We had done this before. It was much more "familiar" territory. What we did have to adjust to was the larger new facility, recording with all of our stage gear, and the acoustic properties of the new room. That took a few hours. The band and the crew were there, as well as Peter, and a few close friends. When we recorded, we liked to be in "our element", so we scheduled our sessions from 8:00PM to 4:00AM...that way we could lock the studio doors, and basically have the place totally to ourselves. There was usually as much cocaine and pot as anyone might need, and if someone wanted to get high, they did. We had a very relaxed attitude in the studio...it made for better and more natural recordings. We spent the first three hours just "dialing in" to the room and getting levels set, so that when that was done, we would be able to just keep rolling tape...sometimes a few takes were necessary to get the basic tracks right. It was around 11:00PM when we actually started playing seriously, and at about midnight, the program director from WCCC showed up and was let in. We stopped, and spent a half an hour or so talking and getting high, and then we left him in the control room with Peter, and began laying down the music for the "A" side. It took about 90 minutes to get a track I was satisfied with, and it was sounding really good. As Peter set up the vocal mics, the guy from the station pulled me aside and told me he was really impressed. Since it was after 3:00AM, he told me he had to be at the station early, so he was leaving. He thanked me for including him in this process, and the last words he said to me before walking out the door were "looks like you've got a real winner with this one". As he left, I felt really confident that the second single was going to be a lot bigger than the first one had been. I just wished he would have stayed to hear the vocals too...and as it turned out, it was a disaster for us that he didn't...