Thoughts After the Show

After the set, back in the quiet and security of our dressing room, I was totally spent. And so were the rest of the guys. We had put as much into that 90 min. set as we usually did in an entire night. We were totally soaked in our own sweat, and I remember having to literally peel off my stage clothes. Annie came in and congratulated us on our best performance to date. We had done extremely well, especially under such adverse playing conditions, and although I knew that was true, I kept thinking we could have been a lot better, if we had only had a little more room to move, and really put on a show. I was still angry...and today, I realize that is exactly how the disease of addiction affects me...I can become obsessive, and hang on to feelings like a pitbull hangs on to a steak. We had done very well, and I was still pissed off. A lot of people came up to the dressing room that night, and I was in the mood to put out a lot of cocaine, and vent my frustrations. After about 30 minutes had gone by, I could hear the sound of AC/DC as they started their set, and there was a part of me that wanted to go downstairs to see their show. Annie excused herself to do that, and I told her I'd be down shortly. After she left though, there were more knocks on the door, more visitors to the dressing room, there was more cocaine to do, and the time started to get away from me, as I allowed myself to just stay angry. At about 45 minutes into AC/DC's set, I realized that if I didn't get downstairs soon, I'd end up missing them entirely...a really good band, and a really good show...and I remember clearly thinking..."fuck them..I'm not going to give them the satisfaction"...I just couldn't let it go. It was like I was drinking poison...and then waiting for them to die. I think I managed to get downstairs in time to hear the last song, and it was great, and I remember ending up feeling really pissed at myself for staying upstairs for so long...out of spite. I really liked this band, and I had missed them, for no reason that makes any sense to me today. From up in the dressing room, they sounded pretty good, but I'll never know what their entire set was really like...people who did see the whole show said they really kicked ass that night...maybe, just maybe, because they needed to. As for the "Battle of the Bands"...and who won...the truth, and the answer seems obvious. This past year, AC/DC was inducted into the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame...and Avalanche is pretty much forgotten...and my arrogance that night, astounds even me...