"Most Wanted"

It seemed like I was living my life as if I had been on the "Ten Most Wanted" list. I trusted very few people. And those people knew that there were rules...and that those rules were unbendable. I was very strict. It was very simple, really. If you were my friend, or were invited into my world, and wanted to stay, you were told...and told just once...Never stop out at my house without calling first and being cleared...Never bring anybody to my house...Never talk about drugs on the telephone...Never have buddies in the car when you stopped by or met me somewhere...always come alone...and...the biggest one of all...Never break the rules. I was a little easier on the women. But not much. I didn't trust them either. I often felt I had to be on guard for the police trying to slide into my life, dressed in a deceptively alluring package...so my relationships with women who I didn't know were usually tainted by my suspicious nature. And if friends were brave enough or close enough to me to bring their girlfriends that I did know to a late night party of mine...another rule was...all business still had to be conducted in private, in another area of the house. I encouraged my friends to look at the reality of my situation, and to take a look at the fact that...if they had the chance, the police wouldn't think twice about busting them... to get to me. And most of them saw the logic in my reasoning and followed the rules. And the people who were in my life wanted to stay... because I had what they wanted, and I was much safer, and the quality of my products was much better than their other options. Besides, I treated my friends very, very, well. It was not uncommon for me to lay out several hundred dollars worth of cocaine and pot in an evening. But if you broke any of the rules more than once, you were gone...and no longer welcome in my life...there were no third chances. When I look back on it now, it almost seems like I was taking hostages...