The "Social" Politics of Heroin

I couldn't believe how much better I felt. It was like the weight of the entire world had been lifted off my shoulders. But I also knew that using heroin was going to be frowned on by many of my friends and business associates. So I decided to keep my using of that drug a secret from many of them. After all, they hadn't been through what I had; they weren't suffering like I was, so they had no right to pass judgment, anyway. The few people in my circle who knew... were people who had either tried the drug, or liked to use it occasionally. And so those people became closer to me, and the others were kept at more of a distance than they had been in the past. Of course, since many people who had been close to me didn't know the real reason why they were suddenly were being kept at a distance, many mistook my change as arrogance and an elitist attitude, and people who had been close to me for years, felt like it was directed at them. That just made me feel even more misunderstood. My circle of friends was shrinking, and I was becoming more isolated from the world, and from reality, and I didn't see it. Heroin had immediately become my drug of first choice, and although I still used and enjoyed coke and pot regularly too, some of that was often part of maintaining my business, and keeping up appearances. One decision I made right away. With the exception of the very few people I was using heroin around, I refused to have anything to do with selling it. That probably kept me out of jail for a lot longer than if I had sold it. My New York City connections became a blessing, and a curse. On the one hand, I could buy heroin in an area very far away from where I lived, which made it easy for me to conceal my using from friends, family, and police. On the other hand, because I was involved with smugglers in the city, I was getting very high grade product, often right off the boats. Heroin from Thailand and China was some of the first stuff I bought. Little pink rocks. With the Chinese writing and the little elephants right on the packaging. And it didn't take me long to discover something else I had always said I'd never use...the needle...and once that happened...everything changed very quickly.