Looking Back

    As I start this journal, I realize that the word comes from the word "journey"...and as I look back on my life, I realize just how true that really is. I wish I had known where my answers really come from, earlier on...I might not have wasted so many years looking in the wrong places...but I know today that I had to experience what I did, to arrive at the place where I am. And it has been an amazing journey. The story that I tell here is just the way I remember it, and I have been told many times, by many people, that this story could be a movie...and I always respond the same way...I always say..." but I don't know how it ends yet!" Just for today, one thing seems clear, the ending feels like it might be a happy one, and that is something I never thought I'd say. The truth is, that in many ways, through all the changes...sometimes it feels like the journey is only just beginning. The difference is that today, when I realize that I'm alive just to enjoy the trip, including the bumps in the road I couldn't see or couldn't avoid, and that my purpose here is just to learn to be a better "driver". I am finally OK with that....because before I realized that, all I managed to do was to "drive" myself crazy, and usually right off the "path" that was once very clear, and then was gone, and now, is once again in front of me...and maybe that is because I finally stopped driving while looking only in the "rear view" mirror...I guess I've learned to pay attention to what is in front of me, instead of what's behind me...and to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. By doing that, I've learned to appreciate that the adventure is in the journey, and that, although it's good to have goals and dreams, there never really is a destination. The story of my life that I tell here is nothing like I thought it would be when I started this journey, but it has gone exactly the way it was supposed to...because the only thing that's certain...is...that life is change...and contrary to what I always thought...I'm not " in charge"....