Cleared?

I'm in a room, strapped to a machine, electrodes attached everywhere, convinced that no matter what the polygraph revealed, I was about to be arrested for the brutal murder of my mother. I was very tired, mentally beat down, and extremely suspicious and nervous....after all, the real facts in this case had never been considered, no other suspects had surfaced...probably because the police never really looked past me...they were only looking for evidence that would support their theory, no matter how far-fetched that theory might be. And I was that far-fetched theory...and I was convinced that I had just given the police permission to fabricate evidence against me to support that theory. It was not a very good place to be.  The truth is, they never really looked at anyone else as a suspect when the case was still new, except for my Dad's new girlfriend, who actually had a very powerful motive, and who the police had actually put on a polygraph two days after the murder. I found out later she had failed the test, and then refused to cooperate with the investigation after that...telling my Dad she was being framed... and the police never questioned her or my Dad ever again. I resented my Dad for many years because of that. On the one hand, he was telling me I had nothing to fear if I was innocent...and it was that word if that bothered me. But it also bothered me that if that was true for me...shouldn't that be equally true for him and his new girlfriend? Shouldn't justice for my Mom be more important than anything else...especially if we were all innocent of this crime? And now here I was, already convicted in the press, and expecting a predetermined outcome on this test no matter what the truth was, and the truth was...the trail of the real killer or killers was very cold. It made perfect sense to me that the results of this polygraph test needed to come out the way the police wanted them to...what other option did they have? As I said before, the first three tests were useless, because I was so nervous and agitated about the outcome, that the machine indicated I was lying the first three times I was asked my name, and answered truthfully. That didn't do a lot to help me relax. But eventually I did relax enough for them to take three valid tests. I waited alone in the room for about fifteen minutes while detectives and the polygrapher evaluated the results. Finally the detectives came into the room and notified me that I had been totally cleared and was no longer considered a suspect. They asked me how I felt. It was only then I realized, I couldn't feel anything....