The Responsibility of Leadership

In the end, crucial decisions about personnel, crew, equipment, and creative direction of the band fell on me. The entire concept for this band was mine, and it was my blueprint that was being followed, it was my business that was funding all the equipment and salaries, and it was the clarity and logic of my plan that attracted all the participants to this project. But I knew that a band is a team, so what others in the group thought about strategic decisions had to be considered very carefully. And for there to be progress, especially when different points of view  were all valid, sometimes the only way to resolve the conflict was for me to assume the responsibility that comes with leadership...and make a decision. I didn't always like being in that position, but I was the logical person to make those decisions...after all, I had more invested in this project than all the other members combined, and I felt like I was the person who saw the big picture, since it was my vision we were all working from. I know that sounds arrogant, but the truth is I needed to have a strong ego, and I needed to be in control, if we were to succeed...because it was my plan. When very talented, but tempermental artists get together on a life-changing project, everyone involved has strong feelings. Add heavy drug use to the mix, and very often, strong feelings cloud good judgment or rational thinking. That was happening to all of us...but I still felt like I was the person to break a stalemate when opinions conflicted. That's what a leader does. I had to do that many times in this band. Do I wish I had the life experience then...that I have today? Without a doubt. Could I have done better? Possibly. Hindsight is always 20/20.  I always tried to weigh all sides carefully, taking all points of view into account. But in the end, being the one who decides...always pisses off somebody. And many of my decisions were based on my beliefs, and because of that, I was narrow-minded at times. I know today that there are some things I would do differently...but we were young, crazy, and high, and even with all of that being true...we were still doing something amazing.