Clueless

In 1976, most of the world was still clueless about the disease of addiction. A great deal of medical knowledge has come to light since then, but at that time, drug problems were associated more with specific substances. I think that came from the AA mentality. If you had a drinking problem..stop drinking. If you had a problem with heroin..stop using it. But the disease is really a physical and  spiritual condition..it is a chemical imbalance in the brain, a genetic predisposition to obsession, compulsion, low self-esteem, denial, negativity, and an general oversensitivity to all emotions and feelings, and when those things start interacting with each other, addicts seek relief anywhere they can find it. And it doesn't even have to be with a substance. It can be with food, money, sex, gambling, work,...it doesn't matter. Anything to try to change those feelings. But back in 1976, we were all clueless. I thought my problem was heroin. It was when I started using it that I noticed all the problems in my life getting worse. So when I stopped using heroin, I thought the problem was "solved". And of course, as far as I, and everybody else, was concerned, it was still OK to smoke pot, snort coke, do some Percodan or Tylox, after all, "they" hadn't been the problem. As I returned to my "older" ways... many of my friends came back to me, cautiously at first, until they were sure the "old" Michael was back, but once they were sure, all of them wanted me to get back into my business again...because they had always liked the quality of drugs I had, and  most all of my old local connections were glad to supply me again, after all, I had a large clientele. But I realized rather quickly that I also needed music in my life to feel whole..but getting back my skills and my confidence was going to take some time..I was still unsure of myself, but I was determined to try again, and so I began to play out. I played in bands that once upon a time, I wouldn't have considered joining.. but, because of everything that had happened, I was grateful they would even have me. It wasn't long before things began to happen for me that would soon take me to a level in the music business that seemed to prove that I was finally back on the right path..I had a dream that was taking shape..but this time it wasn't a nightmare.