Overwhelmed With The Details

As the six month process of recording "Going for Broke" entered it last few weeks, I began thinking about the other parts of the project that were now becoming very important. Everything related to this album was pretty much up to me to take care of, since I had no major-label recording contract, and no management deal...and as a result of that, there was no personnel or staff taking care of all the details. Aside from writing, publishing and recording all the music...I was also producing the album myself...and releasing it on my label, Golden Sun Records. That meant that the album design...including photography, graphics, lyric sleeves...virtually anything and everything that would determine what the final product would look like...became decisions I was responsible for making...and paying for. This was new territory for me...I had gone through this process on a much smaller scale when I had released Avalanche's first single...and even that was a lot of work...but doing an album required me to pay attention to many more crucial details that didn't even enter the picture with a single. Did I want color photography on the front and back of the album jacket? Would black and white photography on the back side of the album jacket reduce my chances of having the album being taken seriously? Did I want an album that opened like a book with lyrics printed directly onto the album itself, or should I have a standard single sleeve album jacket, with a high quality gloss paper inner sleeve with lyrics and liner notes printed on that? How many copies of the album should the initial pressing consist of? Should I spend extra money to have the album mastered by professional mastering companies in New York City? I have always believed that cutting corners is something that always diminishes the final result...and I was determined not to do that...but as I started to find out how expensive putting together an album that reflected all the things that I wanted in place on the finished product would actually cost...I realized just how appropriately I had inadvertantly named this album. It quickly became apparent that I wasn't going to be able to do everything I wanted to do with the packaging of this first record...and still be able to afford to press an initial five thousand copies...which was the minimum amount that made sense. To press less than that amount would nearly double the cost per record, and would pretty much make it impossible to make any money on record sales at all. If things worked out well for this record...I really believed I'd be able to resurrect the band...and as result of that, and with the income generated from performance and record sales, I thought I'd be able to improve on some areas of album design on the next record. On top of the thousands of dollars I already owed for all the studio time, the costs involved with making the decisions about all these other things...the photographer...the photo shoot...the layout of the lyric sleeve for the printer...the decision about mastering and manufacturing...it seemed as though every expense, in every area, had taken a quantum leap from what I had anticipated the cost would be when I started the project. That was definetely my own fault. I know I could have investigated the costs on many of these things before I got started...but getting started had seemed like the only priority that mattered, at the time. At any rate, it was too late to do anything about it by this time...I already had a small fortune and my entire future tied up in this project...and to not go ahead with these final details wasn't really an option...no matter what the cost. The pressure to generate large amounts of money quickly had never been greater...and it was pretty overwhelming to me because the stress that I was experiencing from my business was at an all-time high, too. I think I just attributed that to the increased need for cash, when the truth was...the business was really changing...and along with it...the people I was dealing with. I had always stayed very aware of what was happening with all of my customers and how they conducted their business...because if they got sloppy and had legal problems...it wouldn't be long before I would, too. Paying attention to all of those details had always kept me safe from legal problems for a very long time. But as I said earlier...I was now suffering from tunnel-vision...the completion of this album was really the only thing I was really paying attention to. With all of the decisions I was responsible for making...and all the financial pressures that were quickly mounting up as a result of them...only large amounts of money to finish this project...and re-establish momentum with the radio stations and rekindle the public's interest in seeing Avalanche in performance... would enable me to get that major label deal, or sign with Tony Oteda, or someone like him, so that finally I would be able to just write, record, and perform...and leave all of these business details to the people who were professionals at doing that...which was all I had ever really wanted anyway. The one thing that I was feeling very good about was the way the album had turned out. It was a very good first album...and once again I felt that Avalanche was breaking all the rules of the music business by doing independently, something that nearly always required the financial backing and support of a major record label. As Peter and I put the finishing touches on the mixes...and selected a song sequence for the album...I realized that once again...I had taken an impossible dream...and had turned it into something that was about to become...a reality. The record sounded very good, and as I thought ahead, I tried to envision what the actual album would look like...in finished form...and imagined seeing it on all the record store shelves. Once again, I was feeling pretty good about myself...and my ability to overcome impossible odds. But I should have known from all the times I had already experienced an incredible euphoria... followed by an incredibly fast demise...that "the other shoe" was about to drop. I have since learned something in my recovery that totally escaped me during most of my active addiction. It's a really simple, but important lesson. Good things always happen when I do the next right thing...because the Universe is ALWAYS paying attention...and when I don't do the next right thing, or my motives or methods are askew...well, the Universe is paying attention to that, too. Regardless of what I think...the energy I send out to the Universe...positive or negative...healing or harmful...always comes back to me ten-fold. Although I believe the music I had created was quite good...and for the most part, very positive and worthwhile...the methods that I was using to try to bring that music to the world were not. And another important lesson I have learned is...that anything really worthwhile takes time...and manifests in reality if it is supposed to...and on its own timetable...not mine. Trying to make something happen faster, because I think something is "overdue"...is still me being in conflict with a Universal Flow that is much more powerful than I am. And when I think I'm in control of events...and when I make rigid plans and timetables...believing that regardless of how faulty my logic, my thinking, or my actions may be, things will work out exactly how and when I think they should...well....God just laughs.